“That cactus is right!” – Homer Simpson Four years ago, South Carolina did more than any other state to set up McCain-Obama, the best possible matchup. And while Mitt Romney is still the most likely Red nominee – even after last night’s Palmetto drubbing – if he is going to lose, this is pretty much [...]
Archive for the ‘2012 Election’ Category
The Russian Is Cut
Perennial Killer Silence
“Nothing beats a stroll in cattle country. Hi, I’m Troy McClure! You may remember me from such educational films as ‘Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun’ and ‘Firecrackers: The Silent Killer’.” – Troy McClure As the Granite State anti-climax echoes among the politically engaged today, heavy with themes about the inevitability of Mitt Romney and [...]
Tabling a Debate
“I’m not saying it won’t work, I’m just saying it’s dishonest.” – Marge Simpson “Well, if we agree, then why are we arguing?” – Homer Simpson There’s an old saw about academic fights that says that the reason they can get so vicious is because there is so very little at stake. The same rule [...]
Sometimes Satan Cloaks Himself in Truth
“Homer, I’m as permissive as the next parent. I mean, just yesterday I let Todd buy some Red-Hots with a cartoon devil on the box.” – Ned Flanders The people of Iowa are waking up to a Santorum-Romney hangover this morning, and the political gossip press is a whirling dervish of pointless analysis. Romney’s reflexive [...]
The Perpetual Nature of Conservative Reactions and Right Wing Apocalypses
“I promise you zombies more raw human flesh than any President since Roosevelt!” – Duke Phillips The most hopeful conception of the political conflicts of our time is that, three or four decades from now, rational people will look back on our arguments and foibles and conclude that we were harmlessly deranged. After all, what [...]
Red Through Blue
Unhappy Nation
Things That Matter to the Red Nomination
“You’ve got to put these cult people in their place or else they never stop. I’m gonna go kick this Mr. Harrison’s ass . . . Mr. Harrison is a white guy, right?” – Randy Marsh “Yeah.” – Stan Marsh “Yeah, I’m gonna kick his ass!” – Randy Marsh It is essentially impossible to completely [...]
The (Possible) Wisdom of Ignoring the Hyper-Attentive
“Don’t engage him, from there it’s all just Orcs and Gollums and Balrogs.” – Sterling Archer Writing at Hullaballoo, David Atkins nicely summarized the left wing criticism of Obama’s efforts since his election. The entire post is worth reading, but the final two paragraphs will suffice for now: In the end, it may well be [...]
The Imaginary Frontrunner
“So, you want a realistic, down to earth show that’s completely off the wall and swarming with magic robots?” – Focus Group Guy So far I’ve had the good sense not to watch any of the ludicrous dog and pony shows that have been mislabeled as Republican “debates”. The chances of any of them producing [...]
Havana in the Hindu Kush
“What happened? Is it over?” – Randy Marsh The lead story in today’s New York Times was the death by explosion of Burhanuddin Rabbani, a former Afghan president who was attempting to negotiate with whoever it is we’re fighting against there. For a few hours yesterday this story was considered important enough to merit a [...]
Daydream Debate
“Damn teevee, you’ve ruined my imagination, just like you’ve ruined my ability to . . . to um . . . uh . . . oh well.” – Bart Simpson In his column on Friday, Paul Krugman, the intellectual compass of the left, weighed in on the death chants from Tuesday’s Red debate: CNN’s Wolf [...]
American Eschatology Is Just As Wrong As Every Other Kind
Pining For Their Perfect Ex
“Kinda sucks though. I mean, you are never gonna find a chick that hot again.” – Peter Griffin Ostentatious Texan Rick Perry has been a declared presidential candidate for about 120 hours now. In that time he has managed to stick his foot in his mouth on a remarkable number of subjects, most prominently by [...]
Neither Culmination, Nor Rapture, Nor Even Armageddon
“How is this a Mexican standoff?” – Kremensky “Uh.” – Sterling Archer “Dumbass.” – Lana Kane “I don’t care if you shoot her.” – Kremensky “Oh.” – Sterling Archer As I write this, I do not know how (or if) the sadly self inflicted wound colloquially known as the “debt ceiling” fight will be sutured. [...]
Fundamental(ist) Cracks
“What are you talking about Shelbyville? Why would we want to marry our cousins?” – Jebediah Springfield “Cause they’re so attractive. I thought that was the whole point of this journey.” – Shelbyville Manhattan “Absolutely not!” – Jebediah Springfield “I tell you, I won’t live in a town that robs men of the right to [...]
New Rules on the Road to Tampa
“Um, Milhouse saw the elephant twice and rode him once, right?” – Homer Simpson “Yes, but we paid you four dollars.” – Luann van Houten “Well, that was under our old price structure. Under our new price structure, your bill comes to a total of . . . seven hundred dollars. Now, you’ve already paid [...]
The Sustainability of Total Opposition
The Mandate of Heaven
The Long Road to Tampa
“How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here, but not being necessary?” – Ipgee the Cryogenics Guy As we enter the fourth month of 2011, no serious Reds have officially declared their candidacies for the White House. They resemble nothing so much as a pack of children nervously eyeing a [...]
Red Balls
“We all got used to seeing lots of really perverted stuff on the internet, so now we can’t go back to Playboy.” – Guy at Refugee Camp “I know, right!” – Randy Marsh The byline brigade is starting to get antsy that not a single high profile Red had officially declared her or his willingness [...]
Actions Speak Louder Than Strategies
“The Deep South? Isn’t that the place where the black guys are really lazy and all the white guys are just as lazy but they’re mad at the black guys for being so lazy?” – Peter Griffin Yesterday, The Washington Monthly’s Political Animal blog linked to a pair of posts arguing about whether or not [...]
When Wars Are Old Enough to Vote
“Time was you’d send a boy off to war. Shootin’ a man fixed ’em right up, but there’s not even any wars no more, thank you very much Warren Christopher.” – Moe Three hundred and sixty three days from now the last regular American troops are supposed to be out of Iraq. That will be [...]
Fanfare for the Common Lobbyist
“Homer, I want you to have my lucky hat. I wore it the day Kennedy was shot, and it always brings me good luck.” – Rich Texan There has been much brouhaha over Haley Barbour’s shameless whitewashing of his youth in segregated Mississippi. Rick Perlstein has the definitive takedown of Barbour’s comments and the willful [...]
Lotta Cans on This Road
“We have mocked our economy, and now the economy has cast its vengeance upon us all.” – Randy Marsh There are conflicting reports about whether or not the massive “Tax Cuts for Everybody!” deal is actually going to pass. Plenty of people are hopping mad about it, although for very different reasons. The basic outline [...]
