Archive for January 2009

Live Nude Girls

“Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts. . . ” – Mindy Simmons On Thursdays nytimes.com puts up a preview of the stories that will be in the Sunday magazine.  Last Thursday, “What Do Women Want?“, an article by Daniel Bergner about sexual research, went up accompanied by this rather grandiose subtitle: A postfeminist generation of [...]

Putting Liberty Back to Work

“We’d like to dedicate this next number to a very special woman.  She’s a hundred years old and she weighs over two hundred . . . tons.” – Homer Simpson “This enormous woman will devour us all!” – Panicky Idiot Buried in the local section of yesterday’s New York Times was a story about newly [...]

Good Morning, and Good Luck

“The public see our astronauts as clean cut, athletic go getters.  They hate people like that.” – NASA Guy I would like you to engage in a mental exercise for a moment.  I want you to picture President Barack Obama sitting on the toilet, expensive trousers around his ankles, with a look of unpleasant concentration [...]

Rehabilitation Preemption and a Lifetime of Entertainment

“They . . . laugh at me?  I’d always considered myself rather popular.” – Martin Prince “You’re not.” – Bart Simpson In the weeks after the election, Bush the Younger could only get meaningful media attention by appearing with his successor.  Other than that he was basically remaindered to the same dark corner he had [...]

The Old In and Out

“Come on, you never went on a date with a guy just ’cause you were hungry?” – Bender/Coilette “Well, I . . . uh . . . I thought I might like him on a full stomach.” – Leela For the past year Susannah Breslin has been running two on-line projects, Letters from Johns and [...]

A Popular Misconception

“Who’s having butt sex?” – Chef Since California passed Proposition 8 two months ago there has been an enormous and acrimonious backlash.  The most publicized parts of this backlash have occurred around people who supported 8, usually for religious reasons, but who also have a lot of homosexual people in their lives.  Less than two [...]

Icebergs Ahead

“Wiggum, you glorified night watchman, let her go!” – Mayor Quimby “But, she broke the law.” – Chief Wiggum “Thanks for the civics lesson!  Now listen to me.  If Marge Simpson goes to jail I can kiss the chick vote goodbye!” – Mayor Quimby There is no longer any reasonable doubt that numerous government officials, [...]

Of Numbers Games and Other People’s Messes

“My old man can’t get a beer because his old man won’t give a bear to another old man.  Let’s get him!” – Nelson Muntz “Wait, why are we gettin’ him?” – Jimbo Jones There have been many turning points and victory declarations when it comes to our sophomoric imperialism in Iraq, each as meaningless [...]

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