On Friday we got our first significant snowfall of the winter and I got to witness one of my annual treats, the overly aggressive driving of people who think their manly vehicle makes them immune to snow. My father and I were driving to lunch along a four lane boulevard. We’re in the left lane poking through the snow and slush at about half the regular speed limit, pretty much all the other traffic is going the same speed we are. Then a large sport utility vehicle goes blowing past us in the right lane at about the speed you’d use if it was summertime. Crossing an intersection he had to swerve into the left lane to avoid a car slowly clawing its way up an incline before going immediately back into the right lane to avoid another car in the left. It was the very definition of reckless driving, there was no way he could’ve stopped for either vehicle had he needed to. Nothing bad happened, so no harm no foul, but I’m relating it here because it was this year’s installment.
The first serious snow of the year naturally makes most people drive extra cautiously, but there is a class of people to whom this caution does not seem to apply and every year, like clockwork, I see one or two really funny examples on or around the day of the first real snow storm. The people who provide me with my annual spectacle are the small subset of truck and sport utility vehicle drivers who think their big trucks exempt them from having to worry about road conditions. The best examples always occur immediately after the first big storm because winter hasn’t yet had time to teach these upstarts a little humility.
I first noticed this when I was a kid. A friend of mine’s father had gotten his first four wheel drive vehicle, a used Toyota Land Rover. I was in the car with him the first time he ever had it out in real snow. He puts it in four wheel drive and decides to see what it can do. He takes a right turn at an intersection (which was mercifully deserted) at about the maximum speed you’d take a ninety degree turn in perfect conditions. The thing does a kind of Mario Kart power slide about halfway into the intersection before gaining traction and straightening out in the correct direction. Luck was a much greater factor than 4WD in the success of the turn but my friend’s dad, who was never the sharpest knife in the drawer, thought his new toy had handled beautifully.
I always think of that incident when the snow comes because there are a lot of people out there like him. They have only the vaguest clue as to what four wheel drive or all wheel drive actually is or does; instead they think of it as some kind of talisman that makes them unaffected by road conditions. It’s certainly better to have power going to all four wheels when the road is sloppy, but it doesn’t remove the snow nor does it make the rubber connect with the asphalt any differently. In the years since, I’ve seen SUVs spin out, slide into intersections, and run into ditches and all the incidents have two things in common. One, it’s always at or very near the first snow. Two, the SUVs in question are always going considerably faster than all the other traffic.
By January or February incidents like this aren’t as prevalent because no matter how rule-ignoring, testicle-grabbing, and downright bad-ass your truck is, it’s still subject to the laws of physics and the reduced friction that naturally accompanies heavy snowfall. Sooner or later even the most knuckle dragging drivers realize this, possibly after a few near hits and some calls to AAA.
None of this is to say that you don’t see sedans and minivans facing backwards in a ditch sometimes; winter driving is a bitch and there isn’t anything you can do about it. But hyper aggressive driving in poor conditions seems to be the exclusive domain of people who have no real need of a truck or 4WD vehicle but drive one anyway. This certainly isn’t some kind of scientific observation, but I’ve been noticing this for well over a decade now and it’s as reliable as the solstice and shows no signs of stopping.
I am in no way shape or form opposed to people driving SUVs and oxymoronic luxury pickup trucks; I don’t care about gas mileage, emissions or anything else associated with them. In fact, I think the little propellers are a nice “fuck you” to the hybrid set and novelty truck testicles are downright funny, if perhaps a tad more revealing than their purchasers realize. This is America and you can drive whatever your wallet or credit score will allow. That said, this is a pernicious brand of stupidity and it isn’t going anywhere. (Maybe it’s a natural side effect of too many dick fear truck commercials.) It’s an annual sight and, except for the unfortunate few for whom it’s injurious or fatal, is just another little way to let other people’s stupidity brighten your day.
