“If it’s in a book, it’s gotta be true.” – Milhouse van Houten
“Scary, no? And this guy’s head of the Spaceology Department at the Correspondence College of Tampa!” – Bart Simpson
The ongoing unintentional comedy project that is Conservapedia made it back to the front page of Ars Technica this week. It seems some foolish scientist kept a bacteria experiment running for twenty years, going through over 30,000 generations. In that time the bacteria – get this – evolved. (Newer generations gained the ability to metabolize citrate, something their ancestors lacked). The doyens of Conservapedia found out about this and, not surprisingly, flipped out.
One of the canards you often hear from Bible toting evolution foes is that we’ve never been able to demonstrably observe evolution. It is, after all, merely a theory. (That gravity is also merely a theory seems to escape their notice.) Observable evolution, like that of this experiment, would seem to counter that claim. But you can’t talk the crazy out of crazy people.
The Ars article details the ludicrous back and forth between the scientist, Richard Lenski, and the Conservapedia hack, Andrew Schlafly (son of Phyllis): Lenski publishes his results, Schlafly sends him a condescendingly polite letter objecting and asking to see “data”, Lenski replies telling him the data is in the published article, Schlafly sends another letter asking for data (invoking the ultimate in conservative justification: “taxpayer-funded”), Lenski realizes this guy is plainly nuts and tells him so. (If you’re really bored you can read the whole exchange.)
Stephen Colbert once remarked that reality has a liberal bias and, at least in terms of evolution, he’s dead on correct. If your medicine cabinet contains or has ever contained any antibiotics, you are a supporter of evolution. If you or any of your relatives have ever received a vaccination, you are a supporter of evolution. Come to think of it, since all modern medicine is based on biology, and biology is based on evolution, if you have ever been to a hospital or a clinic, if you’ve ever been to a doctor who doesn’t have the word “witch” in front of his title, you are a supporter of evolution.
Of course, if you’re healthy you can survive without medical care for a long time. But healthy or not you cannot survive long without food, and food production is rife with evolution. Whether you’re growing the heartiest corn or putting the stoutest bull out to stud, all agriculture, from the humblest family owned farm to the largest corporate food factory, plays by the rules of evolution. What an insidious thing this theory of evolution, it’s even infiltrated our food supply. How dastardly.
Those who push creationism, or its drag queen sibling intelligent design, need not be treated as adults as long as they persist in the childish notion that wishing can make bad things go away. Expecting intellectual honesty, or even consistency, from people who find evolution distasteful is a waste of time. If these people were really serious about getting evolution out of their lives they’d stop going to the doctor and spend their time foraging for food. But they aren’t going to do that, instead they’re going to push illogical textbooks and scream about controversy as loud as they can.
Which brings us back to Conservapedia, screaming about manufactured controversy seems to be pretty much all they do. Naming the ideology right in the title may be a good way to attract fellow travelers but it also has the perverse effect of limiting the audience to just those fellow travelers. (Or, I should say, limiting the serious audience as opposed to people like me who just stop by to point and laugh.) They will never be taken seriously by people, like Lenski, whose respect they so desperately crave. Quiet, well reasoned argument (also known as “that which gains you mainstream respect”) failed these people long ago; all they’re left with is victimhood and decibel level. Skimming the articles (especially the one about Wikipedia bias) one is reminded of a four-year old defiantly stomping his foot on the ground and insisting that he is not at all tired and certainly doesn’t want to go to bed.
When adults do the same thing it’s just sad. Locking one’s mind in an ideological cage seems a poor way to go through life. And now, to end on a lighter note, my Sterling Hayden impression:
Do you realize that evolution is practiced upon you every time you visit a doctor’s office? Why, entire families are victims of evolution every time they are treated for an illness. The corn we eat, corn which goes into everything, even ice cream – children’s ice cream – was deliberately evolved. That’s why I never take any medications and only eat food which I have gathered or hunted myself.
