A Tale of Two Phone Calls

30 July 08
“Myth: Cable piracy is wrong.  Fact: Cable companies are big, faceless corporations which makes it okay.” - “So You’ve Decided to Steal Cable” Pamphlet

I moved recently; in doing so there was one unalloyed benefit, I am no longer a customer of Comcast.  Not for phone, internet, teevee or anything else; it is a wonderful feeling.  A few years ago I relied on Comcast for my television and my internet access.  Then in the spring of ‘05 I got DirecTV for television, but as I had no other options for broadband internet I had to stick with Comcast for that.  As I was preparing to move a few months ago I made two phone calls, one to DirecTV and one to Comcast.  One was quick and simple and painless, a model of good customer service; the other was long and pointless and stupid, the very opposite of good customer service.  This is the short story of those two phone calls.

The DirecTV Call

A friendly service person picked up after a bare minimum of mucking around with the automated system.  I explain my situation: that I’m moving, that I need to suspend my service for a month in between, and that I’d like to schedule an install for the new place.  Positive answers came back in quick succession: my service gets suspended for the interval I won’t be using it, I can leave the dish and just pack my receivers, they’ll install a dish at my new place free of charge, and just for sticking with them through a move they’re willing to give me three free months of a couple of premium channels (I think it was Starz and Cinemax but I’m not sure).  No muss, no fuss, and by the way here’s some free stuff.

A month later a knowledgeable guy shows up at my new place as promised, installs the new dish and runs coax throughout my basement.  End of interaction.

The Comcast Call

There was one nice thing about the Comcast call, so let’s get that out of the way right up front, I wasn’t on hold long.  That was the end of the pleasantness though.  When the woman on the other end picked up I informed her that I’d like to cancel my service.  She asks why.  I respond that I’m moving and that I won’t be needing the service at my new home, which I wont’ be occupying for a month anyway.  She informs me that I really shouldn’t cancel my service because if I do and then sign up again they’ll charge me a “reconnect fee” instead of the smaller “transfer fee”.  I reiterate that I won’t be needing the service at all at the new place.  Blithely ignoring my previous statement, she gives me a sales pitch on how much money Comcast can save me if I get my phone, television and internet all through them.  I state for a third time that I won’t be needing any service and then ask if there’s anything else I need to do to cancel my account.  She replies that yes, I need to return my cable modem to the nearest payment center.  The “payment center” was what the DMV in Hell must be like, nothing but unhappy customers, surly employees and bulletproof glass.

Let’s review:

DirecTV - Thanks for staying with us and here’s free Skinemax.  Don’t worry about the old dish at all; we’ll get you set up at your new place for free.

Comcast - I can try to help you get a lower fee for moving, but there is going to be a fee and don’t even bother asking about suspending your account for a month.  Oh, and you need to give us back our four year old cable modem, which wouldn’t fetch $10 on eBay, or we’re going to charge you retail for it.

It’s possible that my experience with DirecTV is atypical, certainly a Google search for “DirecTV Sucks” yields a lot of results.  On the other hand I don’t know anyone who thinks much of Comcast; I’ve never had anyone tell me “Oh yeah my new Comcast service is awesome!  It’s got X, and Y and Z and everything’s great!”  Whereas I am a DirecTV customer because it was recommended by someone else and I’ve since recommended it to others.  (Well, okay, Sunday Ticket clinched the deal, but it was recommended to me.)  The Wikipedia page for Comcast actually has a heading for “Reputation for poor customer satisfaction” followed by links to four separate anti-Comcast websites: comcastmustdie.com, comcraptic.com, comcastsucks.org, and fuckcomcast.com.  The last of which, Wikipedia helpfully notes, is an “online community”.

Dealing with large companies and their customer service departments is one of the sad realities of modern American life.  Sometimes it sucks and sometimes, if you’re lucky, it sucks less.  Comcast is possibly the most egregious offender (ranked dead last amongst both television providers and telephone companies by consumers) but there are, of course, many others.  According to last Thursday’s New York Times, Comcast has seven full time employees dedicated to searching for and responding to on-line complaints about their rage inducing customer service.  I’d just like to say to any Comcast employees out there who monitor public postings, please do not contact me.  I do not have a service complaint nor will I have one ever again; I’m no longer your problem and, thankfully, Comcast is no longer mine.

I suppose I have no point, except to say that the only people I know who use Comcast do so because they have no other option; the continued existence of this company is a rank testament to the failure of competition in modern capitalism.  Since it would be remiss of me to go on-line and point out Comcast’s hapless reputation and ongoing incompetence without embedding the famous YouTube video of the Comcast service guy asleep on the couch, we’ll end with that:


Come Back Frank Church, Come Back

27 July 08
“Mr. Simpson, this government computer can process over nine tax returns per day; did you really think you could fool it?” - IRS Agent

As part of their slowly domestic spying series Salon ran an invaluable article by Tim Shorrock on Wednesday about plans for the formation of a new Church Committee in the wake of what everyone hopes will be a Democratic victory in November.  In one respect it does little more than add some confirmation to what many people, myself included, have long suspected, namely that what we already know about Bush Administration lawbreaking is only the tip of the iceberg.  In this particular instance it’s their penchant for using illegal surveillance to keep tabs on American citizens that’s under the spotlight.

The great achievement of the article is to paint a broad yet convincing outline of the government’s gigantic (and super secret) database of mostly useless things.  The financial information, personal information and who-knows-what-else information of foreigners, criminals and citizens all lumped together in one place; ladies and gentlemen the United States Government proudly presents: Main Core.

Dating back to the 1980s and known to government insiders as “Main Core,” the database reportedly collects and stores — without warrants or court orders — the names and detailed data of Americans considered to be threats to national security.

What a great name, huh?  “Main Core”, it’s ominously evil but still has the imprimatur of government stupidity.  (Incidentally, one of the anagrams for it is “Coma Rein”, that seems appropriate.)  It’s a term I’ve seen before, but this is the first thing I’ve ever read that lays out a simple overview of just what it is: a massive dumping ground for all the information gathered (electronically or through direct surveillance) of anyone.  It’s been around since the 1980s, it’s almost certainly chock full of illegally gathered information and your government, the same outfit who’s vaunted No-Fly List can’t tell the difference between people with similar names, is using it right now.

Slightly earlier in the article an ACLU man points out that if the 400,000 people on the No-Fly List were really terrorists, “our cities would be ablaze”.  That, right there, is the nut of this.  This is a database of “Americans considered to be threats to national security” but if this many American people were real threats to national security the Revolution would’ve happened by now and the people who created the database would’ve long since been put up against the wall and shot.  It is absurd.

Absurdity does not make it harmless however.  Patrick Radden Keefe detailed some of the harm in The New Yorker a couple of months ago.  In an article appropriately titled “State Secrets” we get the detailed account of how the government used illegal means to prosecute, so far unsuccessfully, a charity in Oregon.  The theater of the absurd includes:

- FBI agents, trying to recover classified information which had been accidentally leaked to a defense attorney, telling the attorney not to even think about the contents of the file they were hoping she could retrieve from her own archives.

- Defense attorneys being forced to write a brief at a secured location on a government computer because they had to guess about classified information the government was using and their guesses were therefore classified as well.

- The government refusing to confirm or deny whether or not they were eavesdropping on telephone calls between attorneys and their clients thus abrogating attorney client privilege.

One of the things the original Church Committee discovered was that the government had been eavesdropping on telephone conversations pretty much since the invention of the telephone.  Moreover, it built on itself over time, each new violation becoming justification for the next.  Now we have many more ways to communicate and it should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that the government is listening and recording.

It’s not a threat to the Republic, though it could become one if the country lost its collective mind for ten or fifteen years the way it did for a couple right after 11 September 2001.  But that will never happen because this country isn’t insane.  That’s the whole reason the government has to do these things in secret, they are as abhorrent as they are stupid.  The Salon article cites the dark scenario where the database would be used to round up the suspicious in the event of a national emergency or the suspension of the Constitution.  While I’m sure those plans exist, no doubt in some heavily locked and guarded file cabinet, they are the result of underemployed bureaucrats being told to contemplate ludicrously improbably nightmares, little more.  Messes are always easier to clean sooner rather than later though, so if there is to be a sequel to the Church Committee, let it be seated and empowered as quickly as possible.


Are You Big Fellas Fightin’ Over Little ol’ Me?

23 July 08
“Boys, stop!  You can both marry me!” - Abe Simpson (Queen of the Old West)

I go out of town for the weekend, before I leave I put my Sunday post (about how news in July doesn’t matter) in the hopper to be automatically posted.  Then something that might actually matter, Nouri al-Maliki all but endorsing Barack Obama’s Iraq plan, happens on Saturday, when I’m unable to follow it.  Ah well, coincidences are fun.

I could back off my point from Sunday, or I could declare this the exception that proves the rule, but I’m not going to.  For while Maliki’s statement certainly qualifies as news I don’t think it’s going to have much bearing on the politics or the outcome of the election.  (dday over a Hullabaloo wrote a good blow-by-blow recount of the initial dispute and eventual confirmation of the statement.)  Every single story or development this time of year is viewed through the lens of “McCain vs Obama” (who does it help/who does it hurt?), in this case the obvious winner would seem to be Obama, but the fact that we can draw a conclusion about which campaign is helped doesn’t make the help significant.

First, let’s remove the blinders of the American election and consider the statement on its own.  Maliki is an Iraqi; he doesn’t understand American politics anymore than other foreigners understand Iraqi politics.  I don’t presume to speak for Maliki, but clearly he recognizes the fact that our election is going to have a real impact on his country and he wants to minimize the effects.  He has no interest in trusting the future of his country (i.e. American involvement in Iraq) to the whim of American voters, and why should he?  His pro-timetable statement was a way to hedge his bets by trying to take Iraq policy off the table as a campaign issue.

Imagine what this looks like from Maliki’s position.  He’s got his own election to worry about and he cannot keep his fractions coalition together if he’s seen as kowtowing to an open ended American presence.  He doesn’t want to risk his future on a foreign election occurring in a foreign country and being played by foreign rules.  That’s a perfectly understandable position and when he endorses a timetable for withdrawal he’s getting it out there that it doesn’t matter to him who the next occupant of 1600 is because he is the man who gets to decide when American involvement is no longer appreciated.

Maliki is, in effect, preemptively calling the bluff of a McCain Administration.  If there is any truth at all to Iraqi sovereignty, and both Bush and McCain have at least said that there is, then the continued presence of American troops in Iraq has to be agreed upon by both sides.  Fresh off of what must have been frustrating negotiations with the Bush Administration over the future of America’s role in Iraq, Maliki has no desire to repeat the process with McCain.  The Bush Administration, which will be out of power in less than six months, was treating Maliki like a disobedient vassal; he doesn’t want to get into a similar situation with a McCain Administration that would be in office for four years.

The McCain campaign, incompetent as ever, doesn’t seem to understand this.  They’re caught between the rhetorical nonsense of time “tables” and time “horizons”.  What they ought to be calling it is “victory”.  Maliki has declared victory for us.  The stated goal of this war, a stable and democratic Iraq, will have been achieved if an elected Iraqi government can ask us to leave.

McCain’s problem is that the stated goal is not the real goal.  The real goal is, and always has been, a pliant Iraq; “stable” and “democratic” are nice things to talk about, but they are secondary objectives.  McCain is being handed his own stated goals for victory by Maliki, all he has to do is say yes, but he can’t because it would mean abandoning Iraq as an American base and that is something near and dear to him.

Maliki isn’t willing to be the damsel in distress, waiting for his two suitors to fight their duel so he can get fucked by the winner.  He likely cares very little whether McCain or Obama wins; he does care - a lot - about assuring Iraqi sovereignty and that means being able to tell the Americans to get out.  That Maliki is now on record as preferring a timetable adds to Obama’s Iraq arguments, but since most of the weight is already on his side anyway the difference between the world before the statement and after isn’t very great.  It makes the Republican position on Iraq a little less coherent, but as it was already a messy tangle of contradictions the actual effect is probably negligible.

Ultimately, Maliki’s statement won’t matter for the simple reason that no one really gives a shit what the Iraqis think.  Neither McCain nor Obama has any doubts about his ability to pursue his preferred Iraq policy regardless of Iraqi concerns.  Candidate McCain certainly believes that President McCain would be able to strong arm the Iraqis into accepting a longer term commitment from the US just as Candidate Obama certainly believes that President Obama would be able to withdraw troops over any Iraqi objections.

The Obama campaign can certainly make some political hay out of this, but since the war is already massively unpopular, what difference does it make?  Are there a lot of truly undecided voters out there who were waiting for an Iraqi point of view?  Are there voters out there who think American imposed timetables are unacceptable but Iraqi imposed timetables are just fine?  Please.  If Obama loses the debate about the war it won’t be because of anything Maliki says or does, it will be because of things Obama says or does.


Pointless

20 July 08
“Hey kids, Batman!” - Homer Simpson
“Dad, that’s not the real Batman.” - Lisa Simpson
“Of course I’m Batman. See, here’s a picture of me with Robin.” - Adam West
“Who the hell’s Robin?” - Bart Simpson
“Oh, I guess you’re only familiar with the new Batman movies. Michelle Pfeiffer, ha! The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether or Eartha Kitt. And I didn’t need molded plastic to improve my physique - pure West. And how come Batman doesn’t dance anymore? Remember the Batusi?” - Adam West

John McCain has a creepy auto-smile thing that he does when he’s uncertain of the reaction to something he’s said. I’ve seen him do it while being interviewed and during speeches. It’s like a nervous tick but with a whiff of fear about it, like he thinks it will ward off the bad juju of people not liking him. He didn’t used to do it, but perhaps his political transformation into a spear carrier for the right combined with his newfound proximity to the throne is throwing him off his game. I don’t know.

Many people have noticed it; in fact, the above image of him was taken from a YouTube video titled “The McCain Smile“. It’s a two-minute montage of auto-smiles during his infamous June 3rd “green screen” speech. (As you can see, my Photoshop skills consist of little more than the ability to cut, paste and resize though at least I managed to get both images equally pixilated). I posted it because whenever I see McCain give the auto-smile it always makes me think of Jack Nicholson as the Joker in Batman. The auto-smile, and it’s Nicholson like creepiness, have been on my mind for a while and since The Dark Knight came out this weekend I thought it was a good excuse to post the picture. There isn’t much intellectual coherence to that reasoning, but it’s certainly no worse than, say, the chatter machine turning itself up to 11 over a cartoon.

The ludicrous amount of attention paid to the cover of the July 21st issue of The New Yorker was entirely pointless and will be quickly forgotten. I have no opinion on the cover except to say that I eagerly anticipate the response. The commentary over the last cartoon was so noisy that it’s almost inevitable that a subsequent cover cartoon will poke fun at the reaction. There was never much that could be intelligently said about that cover; it rates a brief chuckle and little more. But the beast must be fed.

The political commentary machine in this country is vastly larger than it needs to be and, what’s worse, it has no offseason. I’m not just talking about on-line enthusiasts writing blog posts and getting into flame wars. Big, for-profit media outlets are in on the game and while they can make molehills appear to be mountains (with mind numbing frequency) in reality the molehills remain molehills. Take a look at the cable news ratings for last Monday, the height of the kerfuffle:

P2+ Prime Time
FNC - 2,027,000 viewers
CNN - 935,000 viewers
MSNBC- 648,000 viewers
CNBC - 229,000 viewers
HLN - 428,000 viewers

(Incidentally, P2+ means viewers over the age of two. Presumably, four year olds are interested in politics.)

If you add up all those numbers you get 4,267,000 people. (This assumes that each one of them is a different person, which is unlikely. The real number of people is smaller.) To give that some scale, on Election Day in 2006 there were 135.9 million registered voters in this country. 4.3 million people is a whopping 3.2 percent of registered voters from two years ago. This is, obviously, not the world’s most scientific comparison (it doesn’t include web traffic or radio listeners, for example); but it helps put the whole political chatter machine in context. In the real world the number of people who get exercised over the politico plotline du jour is tiny.

Is the July cover art of a liberal East coast magazine going to have any kind of meaningful effect on a nationwide election in November? Of course not, and nothing I saw made any serious claim that it would or could. But isn’t the point of election coverage, and even election analysis, to discuss and try to understand things which could change the eventual winner? Well yes it is, otherwise it would just masturbatory entertainment.

You can expand the context a little by saying that while this particular cartoon may not have any effect the general perception that Obama is a secret Muslim terrorist could change the outcome of the election. Therefore blabbering on about this cartoon is, in some tiny way, worthwhile. That’s a fair answer as far as it goes, but if you do that you’ve also got to ask if the cover meaningfully encourages or discourages those smears. Can you imagine a person for whom a July cover of The New Yorker is the straw that breaks the camel’s back? Is there anyone - anyone - out there whose vote this could change?

Let’s try to conjure such a person:

1) He’d have to be predisposed to believe such things . . .

2) Encounter them seriously through this cartoon . . .

3) Decide, at least in part, not to vote for Obama because of it AND . . .

4) Not change his mind sometime in the next four months as he is constantly bombarded with other campaign messages.

That’s a twisted set of rules, but I defy anyone to show me a clearer path to an honest justification for the untold number of dollars and man-hours frittered away last week. The simple reality is this: there is very little in the way of real political news at the moment. Talking about things that aren’t important doesn’t make them news.

Polls and fundraising totals are mildly important, but only if they show truly surprising information. When the running mates are announced, that’s news. But how many vice-presidential speculation pieces can one person care about? When the conventions happen, that’s (kinda) news. But since both events are tightly scripted only a badly flubbed speech or horrifying gaffe can really affect the outcome. Even Obama’s trip to the Middle East and Europe will almost certainly be meaningless. The foreign trip for a nominee is pretty well established tradition and you’d need to be scrounging pretty hard for an essay topic in some daft political science class before you start arguing that one of those trips was pivotal to the outcome of an election.

The daily ups and downs of the campaigns are real news, but only in October and November (and maybe September). They certainly aren’t news in July.

Brief (slightly related) Batman note: In the run-up to Dark Knight this week I watched Batman again; it has held up extremely well. Ledger’s Joker is certainly more modern than Nicholson’s but both of them are wonderfully evil. They’re just from different periods. I’ve heard and seen people comparing Nicholson’s Joker to Heath Ledger’s Joker. It’s much too early to do so, give it ten years then we’ll talk. I am a tremendous fan of both performances.

Late Update/Note: This post went up automatically at 6:00 AM this morning.  Unfortunately the image looks like it wasn’t displaying properly.  I checked it around 3:00 PM, logged in, opened the post, did nothing and now it seems to be working.  Who knows?

Beware Afghanistan

16 July 08
“We kicked down the back door, but then there was a metal door.” - Lenny

On Monday Barack Obama published an op-ed piece in the New York Times, on Tuesday he gave a speech on Iraq and foreign policy (video, full text).  (What?  Was there something else going on this week?  How stupid.)  The op-ed piece is basically the Iraq-centric Cliff’s Notes version of the speech and the general point he’s making is unchanged from last summer.  He wants a structured and relatively swift withdrawal from Iraq and one of his main reasons is that Iraq has been nothing but a distraction from efforts against the people who were responsible for the 11 September attacks.  Obama wants to refocus on Afghanistan, even promising to send two extra brigades there.

Obama is certainly correct that Iraq has been a major distraction from Afghanistan, but two extra American brigades are not going to make a long term difference.  To his credit, Obama appears to understand this (it’s at 20:45 on the video link):

Moreover, lasting security will only come if we heed General Marshall’s lesson, and help Afghans grow their economy from the bottom up. That’s why I’ve proposed an additional $1 billion in non-military assistance each year, with meaningful safeguards to prevent corruption and to make sure investments are made - not just in Kabul - but out in Afghanistan’s provinces. As a part of this program, we’ll invest in alternative livelihoods to poppy-growing for Afghan farmers, just as we crack down on heroin trafficking. We cannot lose Afghanistan to a future of narco-terrorism. The Afghan people must know that our commitment to their future is enduring, because the security of Afghanistan and the United States is shared.

Reconstruction cannot be merely a fig leaf to cover military action, but as incompetent as the current Administration has been, Afghanistan is not a simple problem.  Take, for example, the impressive sounding $1 billion extra in non-military (that’s important) aid per year; it amounts to only a little more than $30 per capita, certainly a helpful sum, especially in a poor place, but hardly a life changing amount.  And that’s if you spent the money efficiently and effectively, a task which over the last seven years proved all but impossible.  (This recent BBC story has a brief and troubling rundown.)  Afghanistan is, like Iraq, quite beyond the capabilities of the United States to solve.

An Obama win in November will, obviously, change the way American foreign policy is practiced.  Less obvious, but perhaps just as important, his election should also have a dramatic effect on the way American foreign policy is perceived.  To say that American leadership on Afghanistan has been lacking the last six years is a major understatement, a President Obama, especially one bringing the Iraq war to a close, would have a lot a credibility to say to the rest of the world that Afghanistan cannot be forgotten again.  If Obama made it clear to other world leaders that he was serious about Afghanistan he could potentially recapture some of the spirit of 12 September.  If he wanted to heap a load of shit on his predecessor while he was at it I doubt many world leaders would object.

Yet even a world community strongly behind a renewed effort in Afghanistan is no guarantee of success.  On Monday, Professor Cole pointed out that it’s very likely that the war in Afghanistan no longer has much to do with al-Qaeda or the Taliban.  Al-Qaeda is a landless terrorist organization and the word “Taliban” has become an inaccurate catchall for what are most likely tribal fighters opposed to foreigners and the central government:

When was the last time that an al-Qaeda operative was captured in Afghanistan by US forces? Is that really what US troops are doing there, looking for al-Qaeda? Wouldn’t we hear more about it if they were having successes in that regard? I mean, what is reported in the press is that they are fighting with “Taliban”. But I’m not so sure these Pushtun rural guerrillas are even properly speaking Taliban (which means ’seminary student.’) The original Taliban had mostly been displaced as refugees into Pakistan. These ‘neo-Taliban’ don’t seem mostly to have that background. A lot of them seem to be just disgruntled Pushtun villagers in places like Uruzgan.

That’s probably too complicated a concept, even for a skilled speaker like Obama, to be much use on the campaign trail.  But it underscores the necessity of giving Afghanistan a fair shake from the international community; the one it should’ve gotten in 2001-2002 but didn’t because of Iraq.  The immediate lesson of the 11 September attacks was that failed states could not simply be ignored by the wider world.  Lawless countries pose very real threats to the peace and stability of everyone, no matter how remote they may seem.  If that idea is at all true, and in the broad strokes it sure seems to be, then Afghanistan cannot be abandoned by the United States simply because of Iraq fatigue any more than it can be abandoned to the United States by the rest of the world because of anger over Iraq.

It’s a problem for everyone and a freshly minted President Obama could make that case anew.  Will it work, who knows?  Afghanistan has proved itself impervious to efforts at outside interference innumerable times.  But unless Obama can get the rest of the world on board and take a real shot at it, four years from now it will be his failed war.  That will be bad for him politically, but worse, in every sense of the word, for the Afghans and everyone else.


Obama and the Politics of Eavesdropping

13 July 08
“Momma, I’m scared of Peter Pan.” - Penny Tompkins
“We all are, honey.” - Alice Tompkins

There’s no point rehashing the short sighted stupidity of the FISA bill passed by Congress this week.  (Mr. Greenwald, once again, has everything you need to know in one place.)  It contains retroactive immunity for the telephone companies, precludes any further investigation into just how the law was broken, and undermines the spirit and the letter of the Constitution of the United States.  Bush the Younger couldn’t sign it fast enough.  These developments are unwelcome and unsurprising but in the long run it’s just one more item on the list of things we’re going to be embarrassed about fifty years from now, and at this point, what’s one more?  While the policy is distasteful and disappointing, it’s the politics of it that’s the real head scratcher.

Barack Obama has taken a lot of heat for reneging on his promise from last year to filibuster against any FISA bill containing retroactive immunity.  His left wing supporters went ballistic to such a degree that a friend of mine who works for the Obama campaign told me the call center people were keeping two call logs, one for FISA complaints and one for everything else.  Even John McCain got in on the act.  What’s disappointing about this isn’t that Obama-the-nominee went back on a promise Obama-the-candidate-for-nomination made.  The man is a politician and I’d be suspicious if he didn’t reverse himself on a campaign promise or two.  What’s disappointing is that instead of fighting the good fight (because it’s both the right thing to do and the popular thing to do), he took a page from the 2002-2006 Democratic playbook and caved to some nebulous fear.  Fighting the good fight is what got him the nomination and put him ahead in the polls.  Caving is what gave us Bush the Younger’s second term.

The FISA bill has a lot of bad parts that haven’t been remarked upon as much as retroactive immunity (there’s an mp3 of a conversation between Greenwald and an ACLU lawyer that lays the whole sad thing out, the early scratchiness of the audio gets fixed), but let’s set those aside for the moment and concentrate on the bright shiny light of retroactive immunity.  This is, near as I can figure, a comprehensive list of those who benefit from the inclusion of retroactive immunity in the FISA bill:

1)  The telephone companies who broke the law.
2)  Those to whom the telephone companies give money.
3)  ???

Are there a lot of voters out there who, when asked about the phone company, are quick to say that government needs to get off their backs?  What, exactly, is the political penalty to be paid for doing the right thing here?  If the Democrats had passed a bill which contained everything but immunity it’s likely that Bush the Younger would’ve vetoed it.  Well, who gives a shit?  He’s the least popular sitting president in history.  Having him veto your legislation would seem to be a popular position.  The worst thing he can do is go on television and say that those terrorist coddling Democrats have tied his hands and endangered the nation.  First, he’s going to say that anyway; second, who still listens to him?

Jon Taplin had an interesting take on it the other day.  In a general critique of the “Obama is centering himself” meme Taplin wrote:

As to the immunity for the telecoms, from Barack’s point of view starting in January 2009, I can’t imagine he wants to start his term in the “Truth and Reconciliation Commission” business, investigating AT&T, Verizon, et al. through whose switches flow 90% of the country’s internet traffic. I know there are lots of people on the left who want revenge on the big telecoms, but it’s a fools errand.

What the hell would a President Obama care about lawsuits exposing the lawbreaking of his predecessor?  How could that damage or distract an Obama White House?  (Incidentally, I agree with what Taplin wrote in that post about religion and Iran.)

The argument I’ve seen put forward is that the telephone companies would be reluctant to tap communications in the future.  How insane is that?  If the government comes to AT&T or Comcast or Verizon or anyone else with a legal court order for a wiretap the telephone company is going to comply.  It’s the law, and everyone, telephone companies, law enforcement people, and private citizens, are supposed to obey it.  That’s the whole idea of getting a legal court order in the first place, to legalize that which would otherwise be illegal.  It’s a safeguard against abuse of power.

I certainly understand that Obama is likely to be the primary beneficiary of any expansion of executive power at this point.  But I don’t understand what political price he would pay for fighting tooth and nail against retroactive immunity.  He’s talked about getting money out of politics; this is money in politics in its purest form.  He’s talked about depoliticizing national security; retroactive immunity is a glaring example of the politicization of national security.  Those are popular positions and they’ve benefitted him greatly up to this point, why stop now?

If there’s one unambiguous lesson that we’ve learned in the last seven years it’s that every single decision Bush the Younger has made in regards to national security is both ineffective and unpopular.  For fear of political penalties the Democrats have run scared from him and now, even though he is as weak as a kitten, they still fall over backwards out of fear of terrorism, fear of Republicans, fear of being called weak.  That’s some shameful shit and prior to this Barack Obama had stood up against it.  Let’s hope this doesn’t develop into a new habit for him.


Link Slut

13 July 08
“Is it a crime to be illiterate?” - Krusty the Klown

The links on the right side of the page, long stale and ignored, have been revised with a couple of things in mind.  It is now a list of what I read on a regular basis, nothing more.  I don’t like the word “blogroll” and while that may be petty and stupid on my part limiting the number of links on a small personal site like this one seems like a good idea.  Really long - ahem - blogrolls always make me a little leery because really, how many different sources of information can someone keep up with?

So far most of the posts here at Tethered Swimming have been reactions to, analyses of, or rants about topics and stories which I’d seen elsewhere.  I thought it might be useful to link to the places where I get my information.  For daily news I’m pretty well hooked on The New York Times, the BBC and that wonderful clearing house site McClatchy maintains.  I am a print subscriber to each of the publications listed in the magazine section (and to the New York Times); and while I certainly don’t read every article, neither are they mere coffee table decoration.

There is a prideful, self-fellating quality to this: “Look how much I read!  Look how well read I am!”  But I don’t care.  These publications and website really are what I like to read.  To some it might seem like a lot, to others it might seem like very little, others may scoff at the low quality of my choices; I have no way to judge the relative merits and even if I did I still wouldn’t care about the conclusion.  There’s no point dwelling on it.  The pithy descriptions are what you get if you roll your cursor over the links, I include them here merely for a sense of completeness.  It didn’t used to work in Firefox 2 but seems to work in Firefox 3 (and IE 6).

Daily News:

BBC - Puts American radio news to shame. (I’m looking at you, NPR.)

McClatchy DC - Journalists who weren’t asleep in 2003.

The New York Times - It gets bashed from the left and the right, but it’s still the best paper in the country.

Magazines:

The American Conservative - Conservatives who don’t like Bush, how novel.

The Atlantic Monthly - It’s 150 years old, it must be at least kinda good.

The Economist - Mmmmm, Eurotrash conservatives.

Harper’s - Erudite information served in a broth of liberal outrage.

The London Review of Books - It’s different because of the spelling.

National Geographic - Pretty pictures plus articles about man destroying nature.

The New York Review of Books - Even Sideshow Bob reads this.

The New Yorker - Most of the cartoons are funny, what’s wrong with that?

Reason - Ancient libertarian proverb say . . .

News & Politics

ElectionProjection - I try to ignore the polls, I really do.

Eschaton - I like my martinis dry and caustic.

Feministing - They’re some of those don’t call us ‘chicks’ chicks.

FiveThirtyEight - Stat geeks of the world unite!

Hullabaloo - Mad as hell and not going to take it anymore!

Informed Comment - Prof. Cole knows more about the Middle East than all 537 elected members of the federal government combined.

Jon Taplin’s Blog - Smart about everything, but willing to listen if wrong.

Lawyers, Guns and Money - They slew family, religion and friendship and they’re aware of all internet traditions.

Politico - Because there just wasn’t enough political coverage online before 2007.

The Raw Story - BOLD type is everyone’s friend.

The Reverse Cowgirl - Sex is funny, interesting.

Salon - An online magazine, how late 90s retro.

Talking Points Memo - It’s not really a big organization, it just looks like one.

Tomdispatch - The literate opposition.

Science & Technology

Ars Technica - Organized and edited news for nerds.

Boing Boing - Steampunk gadgets and privacy concerns.

Deeplinks - The EFF, it’s like the ACLU but on-line.

Denialism Blog - Sometimes you’ve got to lay it all out, even if no one ever listens.

PhysOrg - Science rules.

Sports

The Basketball Jones - 20 minutes with these foul mouthed Canucks tells you more about the Association than any four hour AM-radio show.

Every Day Should Be Saturday - C’mon people, college football isn’t going to enjoy itself.

Kissing Suzy Kolber - Dick jokes and the NFL, two things near to my heart.

The last time the links were updated was almost a year ago; hopefully there won’t be a repeat of that kind of inattention.  Mindful that my reading habits change I will try to keep the links an accurate reflection of what’s on my plate.


They’re Just Not That Into Us

9 July 08
“You don’t care about me!  It’s my cookies!  It’s always been the damn cookies!  Well sugar, the bakery just closed.” - Stewie Griffin

That didn’t take long.  Just a few weeks ago Bush the Younger was imperiously using an agreement with Iraq to bind his successor to his failed policies.  Now the Iraqi government has declared not once but twice that any agreement would have to have a timetable for the withdrawal of American troops.  Clearly Nouri al-Maliki knows that, at least for now, he’s the one with the leverage.  Whether or not Bush has realized that yet is an open question but for the moment it is irrelevant because both of them are negotiating under a ticking clock.  The current UN mandate for American forces in Iraq expires on December 31st of this year.  That is the date you’ll see cited as the cause for these negotiations but the real reason is a date eight weeks prior, November 4th.

For the moment Maliki has the upper hand because if he doesn’t want to deal with Bush he can simply wait four months and deal with the President-elect instead.  He may or may not get a better deal from the winning Senator than he would’ve gotten from Bush, but it is Bush who has to deal with Maliki, not the other way around.  Of course, as soon as there is a President-elect the negotiating table shifts in that man’s favor because one way or another he’s going to be around for four years.

It is, therefore, in both Bush’s and Maliki’s interests to conclude some kind of an agreement before November 4th; unfortunately for both of them they seem to want the same thing: control over how and when American involvement in Iraq ends.

First, let’s take a moment to review each side’s proposal so far.  The information we’re working with here is, at best, accurate only in a skeletal way (it’s in published, English-language reports after all) but it fits in with what we already know about each side.  The initial American proposal was basically Colonialism II: de facto permanent military bases, extraterritoriality for mercenaries, control of airspace below 30,000 feet (a.k.a. ground support altitudes), and, perhaps most insane, the freedom to act (shoot people, detain suspects, and blow things up) without Iraqi approval.  The Iraqi proposal, which by simple fact of being less insane will probably end up being a lot closer to any eventual agreement, is for unlimited military aid under the discretion of Iraqi officials until such time as the Iraqis deem it no longer necessary.

Maliki, who let’s all remember is neither stupid nor an American puppet, wants the GIs around until such time as he is militarily and politically secure, then he can score big popularity points by kicking us out.  Bush wants the GIs bound permanently in Iraq because he believes our presence there gives us strategic leverage over the entire region.

The key political buzzword here is “timetable”.  The existence of a “timetable” implies that the U.S. presence in Iraq is going to end, relatively soon.  Bush, and his would be successor John McCain, want American troops in Iraq long term.  The rational for that goes back almost two decades to the first Gulf War.  On 2 August 1990 Iraq invaded and conquered Kuwait.  After that there was nothing but sand between the Iraqi tanks and most of the Saudi oil fields.  The numbers are a little hazy but as I recall at the time Iraq and Kuwait each had something like 10% of proven global oil reserves and Saudi Arabia was at 25%.  In August of 1990 there was a very real possibility that, had Saddam Hussein ordered his troops south, forty odd percent of all the world’s oil reserves would be controlled by one man.  That his regime had been, up until 1 August 1990 nominally a friendly one counted for very little; that much oil in the hands of one government was a serious threat to the world economy and the United States of America.

Avoiding a repeat of that situation has more or less been US Government policy ever since.  After the Gulf War it took the form of American troops in Saudi Arabia (the nominal rational for the 11 September 2001 attacks was the presence of non-Muslim troops in Saudi Arabia, the location of Mecca and Medina).  With the Iraq invasion completed the US closed its bases in Saudi Arabia and began building them in Iraq, but the policy remained the same.  The US Government views the presence of American ground troops in the oil-rich portions of the Middle East as an absolute strategic necessity, hence the need for a long term presence in Iraq.

The Iraqi point of view is, not surprisingly, quite different.  They see no reason that the United States should have any kind of preferential treatment in the region.  To them we should be just another oil customer.  Maliki believes that his government will soon be able to administer the country without the help of American forces (he may or may not be correct about this) and once he can do that he has no incentive to allow American troops to remain or give us any kind of preferential treatment in terms of access to oil.  Thinking that he or his constituents will allow us to remain out of some kind of gratitude for removing Hussein is the height of naivete.

Nevertheless that seems to be the attitude of the Bush Administration.  The question is not what kind of deal can they get from Maliki, it’s will Maliki allow them a face saving deal?  The only threat Bush can make is to unilaterally withdraw American support and allow Maliki’s government to fall, but for his own domestic political reasons he cannot do that.  Of course, starting on November 5th there’s going to be a new American government and Maliki loses a lot of his leverage.  McCain has promised to stay in Iraq, Obama has promised to leave.  Either one of them will come at any status of forces negotiates with their primary goal in mind.  If Maliki can put the screws to Bush and get what he wants he’ll do that, if Bush proves intransigent he’ll roll the dice with his successor.  But there’s no way he makes a deal that’s bad for the long term interests of Iraq with a man who will soon be little more than the most famous ranch hand in all of Texas.


Pssst, We’re Still Not Bombing Iran. Pass It On.

6 July 08
“Which, if true, means death for us all.” - Kent Brockman

The “Bomb Iran” rumors have been making the rounds again lately and while I share the opinion that nothing whatsoever can be considered beyond the pale for Bush the Younger and friends I still think this one is too much, even for them. Their intentions cannot be doubted, bellicose rhetoric accompanies the topic of Iran like an overactive puppy. (Cheney feels so strongly about not negotiating when it comes to nuclear weapons that he left a briefing in a huff over the recent deal with North Korea.) However, there are simply too many checks on their power for them to act in the short time they have left in office. Some of these are political, some aren’t, but the bottom line is that bombing Iran would be tremendously expensive (in every sense of the word) and those costs are plainly evident to the people who would bear them. George Bush and Dick Cheney may have wrapped themselves in fact repellent cloaks of self righteousness, but they cannot act alone and the people on whom they depend can see beyond January.

The prevailing theory is that hard line elements within the Administration, lead by Cheney and his sidekick David Addington, are determined to put a stop to an Iranian nuclear program before the end of Bush the Younger’s term. In their view only military force can accomplish that goal. They are countered by Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and much of the Pentagon brass who, given our current military difficulties in Iraq and Afghanistan, consider any attack on Iran a certain disaster. Atop it all sits Bush the Younger and the great unknown between his ears.

Seymour Hersh is the leading journalist on the Bomb Iran story and his article in this week’s New Yorker, “Preparing the Battlefield” has done a lot to put the specter of an attack on Iran front and center. He credibly describes how American special forces and spies are already in Iran, with grudging if uncomprehending Congressional approval. Their mission is to improve the likelihood that an air assault could successfully halt Iran’s nuclear program and to cause general trouble for the government in Tehran by stirring up ethnic problems. Senior military officers, including the recently fired commander of American forces in the Middle East, Admiral William Fallon, and the current Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, Admiral Mike Mullen, are said to be resisting these plans tooth and nail. The Pentagon has said the article contains a lot of errors, but I find all of this utterly believable; ill conceived American wars show little respect for national borders (ask anyone from Laos or Cambodia).

Writing in the most recent issue of The New York Review of Books, Thomas Powers explores that last point in more detail. Back in 1998 an Army Major (now a colonel and possibly soon a brigadier general) named H.R. McMaster published a book, Dereliction of Duty: Lyndon Johnson, Robert McNamara, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and the Lies that Led to Vietnam. Powers describes the book’s thesis and impact:

McMaster’s argument, stripped to its core, was that against their own best judgment the joint chiefs passively acquiesced to White House pressure to expand the war. Johnson, with his eye on a second term, did not want to be the first American president to lose a war, and the joint chiefs did not want to run their careers aground. Despite the harshness of McMaster’s conclusion his book was widely read in the Pentagon and made a deep impression on a generation of rising officers, many of them now of flag rank and in positions of responsibility.

These men now have the ongoing catastrophe in Iraq as a fresh reminder of the correctness of McMaster’s point. Just this week Admiral Mullen was quoted all but begging that force not be used against Iran. Powers’ conclusion deserves to be highlighted because it’s about as succinct a summary of the Bomb Iran worries as you’re going to get:

The intensity of Bush’s desire to crush this final opponent is evident in his words and his body language, but does he retain the power to carry out his threats?

From one point of view the answer seems obvious. It is too late. With the exception only of the neoconservative faithful, every close observer of the American-Iranian standoff says that the administration’s threats are empty, that the United States does not have the military resources, or the political support at home, or the agreement of allies abroad, to carry out a full-scale air attack on Iran’s nuclear infrastructure, much less to invade and occupy the country. Two of the skeptics, Gates and Mullen, are running the Pentagon, and their cautioning remarks, only a step this side of insubordination, would seem to make attack impossible. But if attack is impossible, why does Bush talk himself into an ever-tighter corner by continuing to issue threats? Does he believe Iran will cave? Are these the only words he thinks people will still listen to? Is he hoping to tie the hands of the next president? Or is he preparing to summon the power of his office to carry out the last option on the table? One hardly knows whether to take the question seriously. It seems alarmist and overexcited even to pose it when the realities are so clear. But it is impossible to be sure-Bush has a history.

That’s really all there is to it, he has a history. But let’s not forget another history, the one constant of this Administration above all others has been its concern for domestic American politics. They blithely sacrifice untold human lives and uncountable amounts of money for their harebrained schemes, but they always do it with an eye to the polls. And right now the one thing they want more than anything else in the world isn’t to attack Iran, it is to see John McCain elected in November.

Absent an event a lot more spectacular than the Gulf of Tonkin (and from this Administration who would believe it anyway?) it is impossible to build even half the political support they’d need. The obvious counter argument to that is that public sentiment is always with Americans in combat and bombing Iran. But there is no time for an Iraq level sales job. It took a long time to get the public enthusiastic for war with Iraq and a lot of that was based on the public’s false belief (relentlessly encouraged by the Administration and its surrogates) that Saddam Hussein was responsible for the attacks of 11 September 2001. No one is (yet) making that claim about the Islamic Republic and while Iran is generally lumped under the heading of Bad Guys in the public mind their great trespass, the hostage crisis, is almost three decades old.

There is also the matter of Congress. They did authorize the war in Iraq. They aren’t going to authorize any war with Iran, certainly not between now and January. Is Bush willing to risk flouting Congress so brazenly when the word “Impeachment” is already in the air? Those wouldn’t be the only risks he’d need to run either. Is Bush willing to fire Mullen to attack Iran? Is he willing to fire Gates? I don’t know that he would have to, but Mullen all but came out and said this week that we couldn’t do it and Gates is known to oppose the idea pretty much down to his skeleton. Are those who would bomb Iran willing to go through another Saturday Night Massacre to get it done? And what would the public and Congressional reactions to it be like?

That’s a lot of obstacles and political penalties right there and we haven’t even talked about what the economic effects would be. $4 per gallon gasoline would become a pleasant memory, to say nothing of a stock market over 10,000. Even as spineless and yellow as most of the members of Congress are, if word leaked out that Bush was giving an attack order (and it would leak out) they’d have no choice but to act. I don’t know what form that action would take but just the Democrats plus Republicans up for re-election would be more than enough in both houses for some kind of a delay measure, some kind of funding related moratorium on military action against Iran until “Congressional study”. That seems appropriately cowardly, but whatever the minimum is all it would really take is a few days of serious rumors about imminent attacks to send the price of a barrel of oil skyward and prices at the pumps not long after. And that’s before any actions are taken.

It’s just too much, even for them. I mean to disparagement of Seymour Hersh or his work here. He is an excellent reporter and has been one for a long time. I certainly understand where he’s coming from, nothing can be put past Bush, Cheney and their cadre of fanatics, and I’d probably be a lot more nervous about this if I had administration and military officials calling me and telling me all these dire things. But I don’t have those people calling me, I can take a step back and look at it from more of a remove than he can. And from that remove I remain confidant that we’re not attacking Iran.

On Wednesday Juan Cole posted video of an interview Hersh gave on Aljazeera:

There is one point Hersh makes in that interview which isn’t in his New Yorker piece and it’s one that makes me a lot more nervous than commando teams in Iran. Asked by the anchor about whether a strike is more likely with the election of Obama or McCain Hersh replies, “If Obama is elected that makes any thought they have about doing a strike before they leave office much greater.” (It’s at the 2:40 mark of the video.) Now that is something to be nervous about. There are 77 days between 4 November 2008 and 20 January 2009. Assuming Obama is elected that will be a time of potentially dire uncertainty. But we’re not there yet and making any predictions about what will happen during that interregnum is useless. The outcome of the election will determine the politics of that time.

Side note: I also don’t buy the “Israelis could do it” line of thinking. First and foremost, Iran is not some pushover nation. It’s a paranoid country flush with oil wealth and I’d be willing to wager that they’ve spent at least some of that money on pretty decent air defenses. Second, the Israelis have to live in that part of the world, a fact which gives them much greater cause for caution than the supposedly pro-Israel war enthusiasts living in northern Virginia.


No We’re Not Kidding . . . and Don’t Call Us Shirley

2 July 08

“If it’s in a book, it’s gotta be true.” - Milhouse van Houten
“Scary, no?  And this guy’s head of the Spaceology Department at the Correspondence College of Tampa!” - Bart Simpson

The ongoing unintentional comedy project that is Conservapedia made it back to the front page of Ars Technica this week.  It seems some foolish scientist kept a bacteria experiment running for twenty years, going through over 30,000 generations.  In that time the bacteria - get this - evolved.  (Newer generations gained the ability to metabolize citrate, something their ancestors lacked).  The doyens of Conservapedia found out about this and, not surprisingly, flipped out.

One of the canards you often hear from Bible toting evolution foes is that we’ve never been able to demonstrably observe evolution.  It is, after all, merely a theory.  (That gravity is also merely a theory seems to escape their notice.)  Observable evolution, like that of this experiment, would seem to counter that claim.  But you can’t talk the crazy out of crazy people.

The Ars article details the ludicrous back and forth between the scientist, Richard Lenski, and the Conservapedia hack, Andrew Schlafly (son of Phyllis): Lenski publishes his results, Schlafly sends him a condescendingly polite letter objecting and asking to see “data”, Lenski replies telling him the data is in the published article, Schlafly sends another letter asking for data (invoking the ultimate in conservative justification: “taxpayer-funded”), Lenski realizes this guy is plainly nuts and tells him so.  (If you’re really bored you can read the whole exchange.)

Stephen Colbert once remarked that reality has a liberal bias and, at least in terms of evolution, he’s dead on correct.  If your medicine cabinet contains or has ever contained any antibiotics, you are a supporter of evolution.  If you or any of your relatives have ever received a vaccination, you are a supporter of evolution.  Come to think of it, since all modern medicine is based on biology, and biology is based on evolution, if you have ever been to a hospital or a clinic, if you’ve ever been to a doctor who doesn’t have the word “witch” in front of his title, you are a supporter of evolution.

Of course, if you’re healthy you can survive without medical care for a long time.  But healthy or not you cannot survive long without food, and food production is rife with evolution.  Whether you’re growing the heartiest corn or putting the stoutest bull out to stud, all agriculture, from the humblest family owned farm to the largest corporate food factory, plays by the rules of evolution.  What an insidious thing this theory of evolution, it’s even infiltrated our food supply.  How dastardly.

Those who push creationism, or its drag queen sibling intelligent design, need not be treated as adults as long as they persist in the childish notion that wishing can make bad things go away.  Expecting intellectual honesty, or even consistency, from people who find evolution distasteful is a waste of time.  If these people were really serious about getting evolution out of their lives they’d stop going to the doctor and spend their time foraging for food.  But they aren’t going to do that, instead they’re going to push illogical textbooks and scream about controversy as loud as they can.

Which brings us back to Conservapedia, screaming about manufactured controversy seems to be pretty much all they do.  Naming the ideology right in the title may be a good way to attract fellow travelers but it also has the perverse effect of limiting the audience to just those fellow travelers.  (Or, I should say, limiting the serious audience as opposed to people like me who just stop by to point and laugh.)   They will never be taken seriously by people, like Lenski, whose respect they so desperately crave.  Quiet, well reasoned argument (also known as “that which gains you mainstream respect”) failed these people long ago; all they’re left with is victimhood and decibel level.  Skimming the articles (especially the one about Wikipedia bias) one is reminded of a four-year old defiantly stomping his foot on the ground and insisting that he is not at all tired and certainly doesn’t want to go to bed.

When adults do the same thing it’s just sad.  Locking one’s mind in an ideological cage seems a poor way to go through life.  And now, to end on a lighter note, my Sterling Hayden impression:

Do you realize that evolution is practiced upon you every time you visit a doctor’s office?  Why, entire families are victims of evolution every time they are treated for an illness.  The corn we eat, corn which goes into everything, even ice cream - children’s ice cream - was deliberately evolved.  That’s why I never take any medications and only eat food which I have gathered or hunted myself.